Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
