Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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