He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
