Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
