Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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