I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
