have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
