To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
