If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
True college students do jello shots in the library
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
