you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
