so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
