I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
sex in a hospital.. check
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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