you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
