It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
