I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
