my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
