Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
