I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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