We're facebook friends in real life
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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