When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
