We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
