I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
