Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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