Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
