Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
