What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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