what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
