I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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