i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
