I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
