He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
