I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
