just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
