No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
