If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
