I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
