so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
