yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
