You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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