Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
