is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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