she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
