I looked at my own cervix.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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