Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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