While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
