whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
