I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
