ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
