The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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