I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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