just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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